Desire and libido in sexotherapy
Dr Adriana guzman à Paris
“DESIRE IS A LOT, POSSESSION ISN’T MUCH” WROTE GEORGE SAND
We tend to imagine, and hope for, a strong and moving pleasure, an erotic and sensual energy that could nullify our fears and our doubts.
Psychoanalysts say that sexual appetite and libido refer us to our infant state, at a time when we were hallucinating our next baby bottle.
The desire implies an inner drive to fill a lack and a strong energy that allows us to better affirm ourselves, realize ourselves, contact us inside and deep inside our being.
Desire combines anguish and fulfilment, uncertainty and gratification, guilt and joy.
sexotherapy in Paris
Intimate medicine specialist
The amorous desire can be defined as an impulse of lust with a strong sentimental connotation. It is a predominantly emotional mentalization linked to the need for warmth, intimacy, affection, affective security, and even important fusion needs.
The amorous desire arises from dreaming of the partner. It therefore demands an ability of admiration, fascination and wonder.
The dream, however, requires neither reality, nor reciprocity. It is the “Dream of Love”.
Realizing one’s erotic desire makes them feel more alive, and can even make their existence seem more meaningful. We could compare this to the joy and happiness of the child absorbed by his game, or to the artist in the creative process.
It is the pinnacle of being in the world, of the intensity of contact with oneself, with the other and with the whole universe.
Desire and libido in sexotherapy in Paris
Intimate Plastic surgeon
There may be confusion about the definition of sexual desire in women. It seems to have been shaped, strangled, narrowed by imposed norms, and only allowed to exist in connection with concepts such as the desire to please, to be loved, to have a child .
Sometimes women experience a certain difficulty in defining their desires, in describing them and in experiencing them. A desire for whom, for what, in what honor? They live their sexuality as a whole, where sexual desire, the desire to please or to have a child, but also love and sexual and erotic relationships would be an integral part of this whole.
The erogenous desire is sometimes mixed with the desire of a child: this is the complexity of the emergence of the feminine desire to which men often understand nothing! The possible shortcomings of childhood sometimes discourage a woman from having children. Today, making a child is a conscious decision. Couples are often reluctant to take responsibility for what modern contraception can avoid.
But it happens that the woman wishes to be pregnant, to have a child of the man she loves. Her desire, while often weak, and which she may complain about, will be increased by this fierce and intimate will. “My libido only works when I tell myself he will make me a baby!” confesses a 28-year-old patient.
The etymology of the term “libido” comes from the term quolibet, the family of the Latin lubet and libet, impersonal verb: “I like”, “I envy”. Hence libido : “desire”, especially in a sensual sense; as well as libidinus: “that follows its whims”, “passionate”, “debauched”. Also ad libitum: Latin expression “at will”.
Libido is increasingly affirmed as a quantitative concept: it makes it possible to measure the processes and transformations in the field of sexual arousal. Its production, its increase and its decrease, its distribution and its displacement allow us to measure the desire and the sexual drive.
It is not reducible to somatic sexual arousal but also concerns the emotional and psychic aspects that relate to it, such as fantasies and pleasure.
Due to its ability to persist outside the realm of sexuality and sensual excitement, it is a positive force and energy well embedded in the nature of the human being and oriented towards the preservation of life.
It is hypersexuality, hyperactivity in the erotic and sensual realm, sex addictions, which in some cases can lead to difficulties in the couple, social digressions, subjection to a high frequency of sexual acts and to certain sexual practices.
A medical and psychological examination makes it possible to discover the causes and to help the troubled patient.
It is when a kind of asexuality sets in, no interest in sexual projects, activity or encounter. However, voluntary sexual abstinence must not be confused with a lack of libido.