THE DESIRE DISORDERS
Dr Adriana guzman à Paris
LACK OF DESIRE
The lack of desire, its inhibition, is translated by a sexual coldness enhanced by the absence of pleasure, which is also called frigidity. Every frigidity can be studied and understood through individual history and often the family romance. This scarcity or total lack of desire is characterized by the disappearance, either partial or total, of erotic motivation.
The term frigidity, which has been applied to man in the past, is used primarily to talk about the female sexual disorder. This inhibition of sexual desire must not be confused with difficulties to reaching orgasm (anorgasmia).
The difficulty is often psychological, often due to excessive tension and an inability to fully indulge, but also because of an unconscious psychological conflict.
SEXOTHERAPY in Paris
Intimate medicine specialist
Some of these disorders are conscious and selective:
“I do not want to feel any desire for this man” and others more paradoxical and unconscious: “I love him and yet I do not want him (anymore)…”
With time and the arrival of the children, the woman can diminish the frequency of sexual interactions and find pretexts to refuse them. There is sometimes a half-hearted attempt at acceptability if the harmony of the couple is good.
The disorder of desire is a world of its own, which borrows the sinuous paths of the inner life but also the secret arcanes of the couple’s neurosis.
THE DESIRE DISORDERS
Intimate Plastic surgeon in Paris
- Defloration and First Coitus: The feeling of her erotic failure or the discovery of her mistake in emotional and social choice is an important narcissistic wound in the life of a young girl.
- Postmenopausal hormonal deficiencies, asthenia, thyroid pathology, obesity, chronic metabolic disorders, drug addiction, absorption of tranquilizers, antihypertensives, anorectics.
- Psychiatric disorders, psychoses: heavy psychiatry, psychoses in a hospital setting.
Other identifiable causes of inhibition of desire: fear of underperformance (the woman is dependent on the “norms” conveyed by the culture and the media).
- Fear of doing something forbidden (virginity before marriage, fidelity, religious interdict, ethical prohibition), fears of the consequences of satisfying her desire (pregnancy, AIDS, STDs), fear of reprisals (jealous partner).
- Certain causes are difficult to identify and require sex therapy: parental projections (the life partner is used in substitution of a parental figure), reactivation of the prohibition of incest in privacy situations, etc.
The difficulty may originate from the first sexual experiences or it may vastly predate those experiences: indifference or aversion to masturbation and any openly sexual manifestation from the partner.
The woman, “for the sake of love”, reacts with passivity and abnegation as she experiences the external signs of affection of her partner. With minimal know-how, the woman can become well versed in the art of simulation.
Loss of desire corresponds in some cases to the loss or weakening of sexual motivations, which can happen in a couple with an otherwise balanced and fertile sexlife. The weakening of sexual motivation can originate from a variety of reasons: hyperactivity, career, birth of one or several children, trauma, or a significant disagreement within the couple.
Some stages of life are more sensitive: pregnancy, childbirth, menopause. And then the desire dies with age, loneliness, habit, wear and tear of the couple. However, this depleted sexual motivation can be instantly replenished upon finding a new partner.
It is clear that the men’s poor understanding of desire disorders exacerbates this tension, which is already difficult on women. The man has all the more difficulty to understand his partner if his desire is constantly present.
Dialogue in this area can be tricky and there is unfortunately a great discrepancy between the existence of these sexual difficulties and actual consultations with specialized practitioners (sexologists, psychotherapists, psychologists)
The reactions from men “suffering” their partner’s lack of sexual appetite can vary significantly. Many couples adapt to this situation, resign themselves, manage any frustrations. Sex becomes more and more scarce, dissatisfaction can taint self-image, self-confidence, and confidence in the partner. Doubt arises : “You do not want me anymore, you do not love me anymore! I am therefore no longer likeable/attractive”.
Consultations are often late, when the grievances have become numerous and the crisis has brought the couple to the brink of separation. A sexotherapy is necessary and urgent to resume the dialogue, tackle the negative feelings, and re-learn to please your partner.